There have been many struggles for our family over the past few years. We have seen strokes, loss of jobs, loss of our home, miscarriages, etc.... I have stuggled during this time with feelings of despair, anger, and fear. They have all stemmed from pride and not trusting enough. God has been leading me on a journey of faith. He has been stretching me and helping me to grow. He has led us to tithe faithfully again, to trust Him with all of my hopes and fears, to depend on Him to care for our needs even when it seems impossible, to being a better wife and mother. Through it all He has been showing me that He does love me even when I do not feel it and that he will care for me and those I love.
This weekend was a huge example of God's faithfulness and love. This Friday Mike's paycheck was lower than expected and I struggled with the dilema of not putting the money in the checking account to cover the bills and just buying groceries or instead making do with the food we have this week and putting the money in so no checks would bounce. I must say in the past the pattern - out of lack of trust - has been to let the checks bounce and just buy food. Well, I felt convicted to tithe and put the rest of the money needed into the checking account so we would not end up in the hole. That left me with $10 for groceries. I told the boys we would have to eat what we had and that it would not be a fancy week but we would not go hungry. They are struggling a little without their desserts and extras but they are fed.
As a result of this leap - and I do not say leap lightly - of faith God has blessed us abundantly this weekend. I have seen His hand in providing the money for a bill that I was not sure how it would be paid, by Mike selling a car to customers yesterday that no one else - even the veterans - have been able to sell a car to and by given me extraordinary peace in the given trial. Another example shows he cares not only for our needs but the desires of our hearts.
At Mike's work the boss is paying for the employees interested to go to the gym 3-4 days a week with a personal trainer and get fit. He has split them into teams and they exercise and diet together. Mike is looking sooo good. Well Mike told me that a few of the women dropped out and that Mr. Marazzi had already paid $1,700 a person for them to get fit. I told Mike I would take one of their spots if Mr. Marazzi would let me. Last night we went to the employee softball game between New Cars and Used Cars. While there I was speaking to Mr. Marazzi and Mike prompted me to ask him for my desire. I told him that if he didn't mind I would love to take the place of one of the women who quit the challenge so his money would not go to waste and I want to get fit again after having Maggie. Right away he said yes!!! He told me to talk to Bonnie in HR and work it all out. Of course the next step was someone to care for the kids while I was exercising. Timing was crucial as a lot of us homeschool so their kids wouldn't be free until later in the day. God has shown his infinite care for me by providing my gym times for 5:00 - 6:00pm on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday's. I called one of our favorite sitters and he can do it!! It worked out just like that - a breeze.
God does love us and He calls us everyday - in the good and the bad - to remain faithful and trusting. I am a leader and struggle to follow. I do not like abrupt changes and have had many over the past 4 years. I like to be the head man in charge!!! God has lead me to follow him and Mike instead of leading all the time. This is not to say that I am perfect at it and I always do the right thing. It means that I am a work in progress and God has shown me that He does love me no matter what and that He is always there holding me up whenever the burdens are heavy and I fall.
Thnak you Lord for all of your provisions and for loving more than I can imagine. Amen